I'm typing hurriedly before February ends, hoping that this post will cap my difficult and depressing month.
Yes, Love is in the air and was in the air-- romantic love that is. Unfortunately for me, and to all others who have loved and lost, February is not a very happy month.
I've been to a lot of talks, fellowships and discussions centering on love (even our BS centered on love) but most of the time, I have drifted away from the topic. My mind wanders whenever we talk about romantic relationships because my shield's still on full alert.
In simpler words, I am afraid to fall in love again. I'm afraid to invest emotions, to give my time and effort. This, I think, can't be understood by many. Even my best friend doesn't understand it fully. But I'm still praying-- not that I fall in love now but that the Lord will teach me to love Him first.
If you ask me, I don't see myself a married man. I'm toying with images of the mission, of full-time church ministry, of serving in foreign lands, of writing about God and people's culture. My brothers in Christ are teasing me with someone. Honestly, I don't feel anything romantic towards her at the moment. I have prayed about her, but the Lord has not answered me yet.
I think it's not yet time. Or perhaps I have a different calling. I don't know. I'm still confused about many things. In God's time, I'll be able to discern all these.
Praise Him who has loved us first. (^_^)
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Indeed, praise Him who has loved us first :D
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