Friends

For the past days, I had been contemplating on friendship, when I suddenly stumbled on the movie, "The Bridge to Terabithia."

The story is about friendship, alright, but there's a lot more to that. It is a story of a new found friendship and the pains of losing that friendship.

Death is one major theme of the movie. And this grips the heart especially when you realize how much is lost because of the evanescence of life.

I woke up with my eyes swollen from crying. The movie has moved me; it has hit my soft part. But it has made me see how God works. People come into your life; people go, all in God's creative plans. Some will etch deeply in your heart. Others will just brush through it. Still, losing people entails great trust on Him, for this can mean permanent goodbyes and points of no return. It must be very difficult. Just thinking of it makes me sad.

However, God is all-knowing. Things we don't understand, He knows perfectly. Plans we make, He alters for our good. Lessons are learned in every experience. The more painful, the more difficult experiences yield greater learnings. But before we can even understand, we need to die of this world and live in Jesus Christ.

"She brought you something special when she came here, didn't she? That's what you hold onto. That's how you keep her alive."
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Father,
I may lose friends I treasure. They may leave me and scar my heart. But teach me to accept. Teach me to look beyond the pain and the struggle, and wield my weaknesses to strengths. Though friendship crumbles and lives end, I thank you for in my sinfulness you have allowed me to experience their joys. Lead me the cross, Father. Thank you so much for my friends.

Amen.

Turning point

Quoting from a post:

"Friendship is not about sharing similar interests... It’s not about sharing similar dreams or goals. Friendship is not about the length of time you’re spending with each other. It’s not about being always together. Friendship is not about enjoying their company.

It is about love, acceptance and appreciation. It is in knowing that the same blood runs through you, the blood of Jesus."

And so, I begin to accept that which has always caused my tears. I begin to realize my mistakes and my selfish view of friendship. It is difficult, knowing that this turning point means leaving behind a lot of things I cherish-- quality time and conversations.

After months of struggles and pains, I finally hear the voice of God in my ears. All this time I have refused to listen, but God's love is stubborn. He has not given up on me. He has stayed beside me and has waited until my heart and ears are opened.

Christian friendship, after all, is not bound by this world's standards. Friendship is much much more than physical proximity or acquaintance. It is a fellowship and must, above all, be pleasing to God.

I have struggled with this form almost a year now. Finally, I have braved the turning point.
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Father,

Teach me to be a good Christian friend. Let me bring smiles on my friends' lips and joy in their hearts. Use me Father. Let my friendship be a testimony, and may it lead more and more people to you.

Amen.

Some Answers

Why does a text message mean so much to me?

It only acquires value when there's a physical gap I can't bridge. My main love language is "words", so it hurts me a lot when I cannot talk to people I trust. I have tried to share to people who are available, to people who are around, but it's just not the same. I seek people who know me with my slightest sigh, people who understand my lips' most minute twitch, my bowed head or curled forehead.

I don't open up easily; it takes time and a lot of trust. But the moment I do, I go to the same person over and over again because I trust him.

It's a lot more difficult to consult non-Christian friends. I have a lot of them, but most of their answers and solutions displaces God. I seek my closest Christian friends because I know I can find comfort in them; I can please God with them.

In the past few months I haven't been able to talk to my dearest brother in faith. He has his reasons, and I respect him. But the detachment has aggravated my loneliness. The moments when I am filled with hurts and pains have been my loneliest moments because I cannot share them to him. I have cried a lot of times. I have waited long hours, days even.

Yet, I praise God for the detachment. It has been very painful dealing with your problems alone but I have realized one great lesson-- I have never been alone. Those solitary moments have become my moments with God. I have cried, and I have cried out to him. I have waited, and I have waited in prayer. Though there is still a bit of pain in me, I know what God has taught me-- Trust in Him. He knows what's best for all of us.

I may not be able to bring back the lost communication. Still, I thank my dearest brother in faith because God has used him to tell me that the cross conquers all.

Thank you dear brother. I praise God for you. I thank you for the friendship and the love and the support. I pray that we grow together in Christ's love. I miss you.

ps. if you can read this, I will love it if you give me another bracelet for my 19th birthday. (^_^)

Frustrations! Praise God!

I'll tell you what I'm NOT feeling right now.

I'm feeling alright with my acads.
I'm happy with my relationship with God.
I'm contented with my knowledge about Him.
My heart and soul are at peace.
I'm happy.
I'm confident with myself.
I'm being the Christian I need to be.

Gus Blan

Ryan will remember this. (^_^)

Seraphic Lair of the Sonata

Gus Blan the Angelic, offspring of the Choir of Ron-Sax, bearer of the Flute of Gaea, gifted with the Voice of Cosmos, gave the Light’s first triumph against Las Bra-in’s Seliks.

In the Seraphic Lair of the Sonata, he received a vision from Gaea trough a mournful song of death. Moved by the sadness of the notes, he perceived the rise of evil and the collapse of t Light in the Kingdom of Ext Rados. True to his fears, in the Barracks of the Kingdom, the rise of darkness engulfed many of the Legendary Army of the Light. The death of the essence of the army and the dark influence of Las Bra-in prompted Gus Blan to warn the Temple of Balance.

He headed off in the dead of the night to the very essence of the kingdom to warn the Elemental Knights of Equilibrium. Llaryod, the Trusted, bearer of he Armor of Wings, called his fellow knights and prepared for the coming of the corrupted Minions of Selik. Not long after the last of the Sphere of Torches was lighted, the shadows, veiling the night in blackness, began to pierce the rays of the moon.

Silence stood between the Minions of Selik and the Elemental Knights of Balance. Las Brain shot the first Arrow of Vileness trying to hit the Crystalline Orb of Prayer, but the Circle of Light shielded the orb and brought the vile arrow hurtling back into the Minions of Selik. The battle for Balance began.

Through the night, the kingdom never saw the raging battle at the Temple of Balance. Neither King Leo nor the Druids of the land saw the rise of evil in such short time. The Elemental Knights of Equilibrium, armed with the Earth’s powers, fought with all chivalry against the butchery of the Seliks. The tilt of balance moved slowly to the side of darkness. Strength failing, wound spurning, the knights found their powers insufficient to curb the forces of darkness.

When all hope seemed gone and the forces of the Temple of Balance were drifting to inevitable defeat, Gus Blan, son of the Seraphic Lair of the Sonata, filled the air with the music of peace. Note per note, the Requiem of Gaea, echoed Princess Ranasha’s grief over the corruption of the kingdom. Two hundred thousand corrupted Radosians were healed by Gus Blan’s music that night, causing Las Bra-in to flee for his life.

Ryan

It's Ryan's birthday today. I hope he can read this message:

Labsung,

Happy birthday! (^_^) I pray that this day will be memorable to you. I know you have some pains in you heart right now but remember that nothing is too difficult to overcome when Jesus is with you. I thank you for everything you have done for me. I thank you four the countless laughters. I thank you for the smiles.

I hope you realize how comforting your presence is to lonely and hurting people. I believe this is your gift: You paint smiles in the hearts of people. For the times we were together, for the movies we had watched, for the food we had eaten, the company we had shared, simply for the time we had known each other and had been friends, I thank you so much.

Continue to grow. Continue to laugh. Make the world a happier place. God bless you, Ryan.

Pau.

Anonymous

I wasn't able to blog during the break because of technological difficulties at home. Anyway, it's good to be back in UP. My classes are back and so are the requirements. I actually missed working. Not that I didn't work during the vacation- I actually studied a lot but still failed to finish all my requirements- but the atmosphere in the university inspires me to study even harder. Just a few things:

1. I need prayers right now- lots and lots. Over the break I struggled with my "giants" (Pastor Jong's term for temptation and weakness) literally alone. I was churchless and Christian friendless at home. My isolation from my Christian family is never a happy experience. Yes, I enjoyed my family's company but I thirst for the love of Christians surrounding me.

2. I wasn't able to share the gospel to my parents. (-_-) I think I was overcome by fear and reluctance. I felt I wasn't worthy to share the word because of my own spiritual issues. I'm still praying for this at the moment.

3. My Christmas and New Year were lonely. Beyond the lavish food and decor, I felt empty.

That's it for now. I still have things to do. Chao.

Prayer Five

My Lord,

I cry out to you once more. In anguish and shame I seek your grace. Forgive me, Father, for the sins I have committed. Forgive me for refusing to obey. Allow me to be more sensitive to your spirit; make me sensitive to your voice of truth.

Father, make in me a clean heart. Renew my battered soul. Fill me with the Holy Spirit that I my be able to serve you and you alone. My Lord, do not turn away from me. Be with me in these crucial hours of my life.

Amen.

Prayer Four

Lord,

I am a sinner and I ask for forgiveness. I continue to displease you; I continue to hurt you. I am sorry, Father, for I am losing the battle I have promised to conquer. I'm falling into the labyrinth of sin-- helpless and afraid. My Lord, create in me a new heart. Bring the zeal of serving and glorifying you back in me. Burden me, Father. Strengthen me and stand by me always, forever.

Amen.

From a Small church: How I Came to Know Christ

I was around five or six when I first entered a Christian church—too young to even care about the service or the kind faces of the people inside. I don’t remember the Church’s name anymore, but I can still picture how it looks like. The small church faced the vast South China Sea with wide windows welcoming strong westerly winds. The walls were bare, the floor rough and the roof exposed—evidences of an unfinished structure.

Long wooden benches lined the church’s sides, and white monoblocks filled the middle of the room. There was a drum set infront beside a karaoke machine. Embedded on the front wall, facing the people, was a cross made up of several translucent glass cubes. I remember that cross as clearly as the day I first saw it. It glows everytime sunlight passes through it.

It will take more than 13 years before I enter another Christian church. Those silent years in between are years of searching, failing and learning.

My Catholic background taught me that the road to salvation is faith plus good works. “Good works” was easy enough to understand. I just needed to obey my parents, donate to the poor, help the needy and do all the good stuff I read in religion textbooks. “Faith”, on the other hand, was something I didn’t really grasp. How could I, when I was taught that “faith is believing something you can’t explain?”

I used to say that I have faith because I believe in God. I can enter heaven easily because I am an obedient boy, always top of my class, never smoked or drank, and joined outreach programs for the poor. I never really regarded myself a lost sheep because I went to mass every Sunday, I know my prayers, I pray the rosary, and celebrate feast days of saints.

Deep down, however, in the darkest labyrinths of my soul, lay my real view of faith and God. I was consumed by worldly success, lust and pride. I trusted myself so much that I placed God second only to my school requirements, achievements, contests and daily chores. My prayers were empty, memorized essays I uttered only to impress my teachers. I virtually lived a life apart from my Creator, but what was startling was I didn’t seem to care.

I brushed through elementary and high school occupied by my ambitions. I never paused to think about God or my relationship with Him. I thought that as long as everything was okay, God was with me, so there was nothing to worry. Little did I know that my entry to the University of the Philippines would be my passport to finally meeting the God who has always known me but whom I never knew.

My sister invited me to join Kalayaan Christian Fellowship or KalCF the moment I entered UP. I was reluctant at first because her initial invitation made me think of propaganda. “She just wanted to convert me to her religion,” I thought. But my sister was persistent and patient. She asked me to try even just the first fellowship. If I didn’t like it, I could leave anytime I wanted, she said.

I tried the first fellowship. I was there before it started and stayed on until it was over. I liked it. I went back for the next fellowships after that and learned a lot about God and the Bible. It even came to a point when I was attending three Bible studies a week!

These outward activities, however, did not make me a Christian. I was attending fellowships, BS and church, yes, but I knew deep in me that I was still reluctant to submit to God. My self was still my God. I even prayed the sinner's prayer written on a booklet entitled, "Four Spiritual Laws," but I knew that that was a hollow prayer.

But God was faithful. Almost a year after that, I joined a camp at the Dormitories Christian Fellowship. The camp had nothing to do with salvation or anything, but God was truly moving. The most powerful message He impressed on my heart was on hypocrisy. On the first evening, I was lying on my bed, just thinking about many things. I asked myself, "Why are you even here in this camp? Why do you even join these people when you know that you are not God's son?"

I tried to sleep to drown the emotion. But everytime I awoke, it was still there, more intense than before. Finally, I could no longer contain what I was feeling. I went out of the room, sat on one of the tables and talked to God. I listened to the song, "Lead me to the cross," while I committed my life to Jesus as my Lord and Savior by His grace and through faith alone.

That was how I came to know Jesus. A lot of things changed from that day on. It wasn’t easy to totally turn from the world and embrace a life of perfect obedience to God. Until now, I’m struggling, but He gives me endurance and molds me better everyday.